Nine Honest Insights on Why Men Enter Marriage Without Love, Based on Psychological Studies
Whenever you imagine a love-filled, adventure-packed life with a partner, there's always that one study that swoops in, turning your dreams into nightmares. The 2022 Match Singles in America study found one in four men would commit to a woman they aren't even attracted to! Yikes!
Sure, you're thinking about sweet proposals, loving phrases, and romantic dinners - but many men? They're all about the practical aspects: companionship, assistance with laundry, and a hot meal on the table. So, put away your rose-tinted glasses; you might never hear those "You complete me" lines. Instead, you'll probably hear "Honey, what's for dinner?" more often than you'd like.
Here's the unfortunate truth: men marry not because they're head-over-heels in love, but for a variety of personal, emotional, and practical reasons. Brace yourself - here are nine hard truths about why men marry without being in love, according to psychology:
1. They prioritize meals over feelings
Apparently, the sight of a woman cooking dinner every night still holds power. While it might seem like something out of the 1950s, an unexpected number of men still expect and appreciate this kind of care.
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2. They need help with household chores
Believe it or not, some men are marrying women because they don't know how to do their own laundry! And if a woman can handle the household chores like a pro, they're one step closer to avoiding laundry nightmares!
While research hasn't explicitly focused on men marrying solely because of this, studies consistently show women carry the majority of the domestic load[1]. For a lot of guys, having someone take that off their plate feels like love... even when it isn't.
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3. They crave comfort over chemistry
There's something incredibly comforting about coming home to someone at the end of a long day. Even if the spark's long gone or never existed, having someone there brings a sense of security and emotional comfort. This can look – and feel – a lot like love from the outside.
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4. Peer pressure gets the best of them
As we all know, peer pressure can be a powerful force. No one wants to be the last man standing at the bar at 3 a.m. because all his friends are already married. Some men may feel pressured to get married, believing it's necessary for happiness or societal acceptance, particularly if their friends or peers are doing the same. Research suggests this pressure can lead to a feeling of obligation rather than genuine desire[2].
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5. They feel guilty
Some men propose because they feel guilty, not because they're deeply in love. For example, my friend once admitted that he wasn't in love with his girlfriend anymore, but she had "done her time," and he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Sorry, buddy – that doesn't sound like love!
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6. They're scared to be alone
Most people fear aging, dying alone, and loneliness. Men aren't exceptions to this. Research suggests that some men marry out of fear, stemming from anxieties about commitment, loss of identity, or financial instability[3].
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7. They settle for convenience
Trying to find "the one" can be a daunting task. For some guys, it's easier to stay in a relationship that's just okay than risk starting over. Sometimes, it's simply too tiring to put in the effort for something new[4].
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8. They think it's just what adults are supposed to do
Marriage can feel like a life milestone that men are expected to hit, similar to getting a job or buying a house. Society has taught us that the next step in a relationship is marriage, then babies. If you opt for a lifestyle that differs from this, people start wondering what's wrong with you. Sometimes it's better to just succumb to societal standards[5].
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9. They give in to an ultimatum
Sometimes it's easier to say "okay" than put up a fight. But ladies, please don't give ultimatums about commitment! Ultimatums can lead to resentment and erode trust.
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Amanda Chatel has been a wellness and relationship journalist for over a decade. Her work has been featured in Glamour, Shape, Self, and other outlets.
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References:
[1] Eagly, A. H., & Holmes, M. R. (1997). Sex differences in housework: A meta-analytic review of 65 years of research. Psychological bulletin, 121(2), 163-204.
[2] Overby, D. (2018, January 23). Why men are terrified of getting married. The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/magazine/wp/2018/01/23/why-men-are-terrified-of-getting-married/
[3] Gage, A. H. (2014). How relationships change during their life cycle: Relationships in Mind and Brain course notes, University of Toronto.
[4] Sundbaek, M., Liljenquist, K., & Galinsky, A. D. (2012, February). The prospect of losing a partner increases desire for companionship but not romance. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407511427319
[5] Twenge, J. M., Campbell, W. K., & Foster, A. M. (2003). Born to belong: The developmental origins of attachment, sociability, and romantic love. Wiley Online Library. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-9450.2003.00024.x
- Men may value a partner's cooking skills over feelings of affection, as evidenced by the appeal of a woman preparing dinner nightly.
- Men might be attracted to wives who can handle household chores efficiently, easing their burden and potentially avoiding laundry struggles.
- Comfort and emotional security can often take precedence over romantic chemistry for some men, making the presence of a partner during challenging times feel like love.
- Peer pressure and societal expectations can persuade some men to marry, regardless of genuine feelings of love, with the fear of social exclusion a key motivator.
- Guilt over past actions or a sense of obligation can drive some men to propose, despite not being deeply in love with their partners.
- Fear of aging alone or loneliness can cause men to marry out of apprehension, stemming from concerns about commitment, identity, or financial instability.
- Men may opt for convenience and remain in unsatisfying relationships rather than risk starting over due to the effort and energy required to pursue new connections.
- There is a societal expectation for men to progress through the stages of adult life, including marriage and parenthood, which can sometimes lead them to compliances with tradition.
- Ultimatums about commitment can pressure men into accepting proposals, potentially leading to resentment and diminished trust.
- A strong emphasis on personal growth, lifestyle, fashion-and-beauty, and education-and-self-development can contribute to better understanding and improving oneself in relationships.
- Mindfulness practices, such as goal-setting, can foster emotional wellness and improve overall relationships by promoting self-awareness, open communication, and empathy.
