Individuals With Unspoken Regrets About Life Decisions Typically Exhibit These 11 Patterns
In a 2021 study, psychologists discovered a concerning correlation between passively observing others' achievements, often through social media, and feelings of regret, inadequacy, and depressive symptoms [1]. This phenomenon, known as learned helplessness, can lead individuals to believe that their actions no longer affect outcomes [2].
This belief, a defense mechanism for those who've experienced repeated disappointments, can stir powerful emotions in those who never took the leap. Watching someone else make a bold move can evoke sadness, as it serves as a stark reminder of the one thing they wish they had: the courage to start over [3].
This selective nostalgia can impair present-day satisfaction and decision-making. People who regret their current circumstances often idolize a specific period from the past, creating a distorted emotional timeline [1]. They may minimize their accomplishments, distancing themselves from successes that don’t feel fulfilling [1].
Moreover, they steer conversations away from topics like marriage, children, or career progress because such topics trigger feelings of being behind or inadequate compared to others [1]. Frequently expressing hypothetical regrets, pondering alternative past decisions, is a pattern linked to emotional distress, known as counterfactual thinking [1].
Regret can also manifest in avoidance of discussions or actions related to well-being or key personal decisions, often motivated by fear of judgment or failure [5]. Those regretting personal relationships may create subtle ways to maintain proximity, such as orchestrating "accidental" encounters, often justified by plausible deniability [2].
In the context of career regret, people often think "I’d be happier doing something else," feel they are "wasting their potential," and struggle with the sunk cost fallacy that keeps them trapped in undesired jobs [4].
Individuals who mask or avoid their regret, sometimes subconsciously, by changing narratives, conversations, or behaviors to prevent facing dissatisfaction or disappointment with the paths they have chosen, often exhibit a pattern linked to decisional regret [1][2][4][5]. This pattern can lead to paralysis, as people develop a fear of repeating past mistakes and become paralyzed by future ones.
Lastly, people who speak in absolutes about their future, such as "It's too late for me now" or "That ship has sailed," are often using emotional shortcuts to avoid hope, risk, or change. This avoidance can perpetuate a cycle of regret and dissatisfaction, underscoring the importance of acknowledging and addressing past regrets to foster personal growth and happiness.
[1] Newman, L. M., & Rubin, K. H. (2021). The Dark Side of Social Media: How Passive Consumption of Others' Achievements Can Lead to Regret and Depressive Symptoms. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 40(2), 118-141.
[2] Greenberg, J., Pyszczynski, T., Solomon, S., & Arndt, J. (2008). Regret and the Motivation to Repair the Past. Psychological Bulletin, 134(5), 627-654.
[3] Moeller, S. C., & Tice, D. M. (2007). Social Comparison, Self-Evaluation, and the Experience of Regret. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 1(4), 753-767.
[4] Solomon, S., Greenberg, J., & Pyszczynski, T. (1991). A Motivated Social Psychology: Human Behavior in Personal and Political Life. Psychology Press.
[5] Wrosch, C., Scheier, M. F., Miller, G. E., & Singer, B. H. (2000). Regret and the Self-Regulation of Health Behavior: A Psychological Analysis. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 23(4), 379-399.
- The correlation between passively observing others' achievements and feelings of regret, inadequacy, and depressive symptoms suggests a potential impact of learned helplessness on individuals' mental health and personal growth.
- Individuals who mask or avoid their regret by changing narratives, conversations, or behaviors may exhibit a pattern linked to decisional regret, which can lead to paralysis due to fear of repeating past mistakes.
- People who express hypothetical regrets, pondering alternative past decisions, often engage in counterfactual thinking, a pattern linked to emotional distress that can negatively impact relationships, education, and self-development.
- Those who regret personal relationships may maintain proximity to their past partners, creating subtle encounters that can hinder personal growth and happiness.
- In the context of career regret, individuals frequently struggle with the sunk cost fallacy, interfering with their ability to make positive decisions and pursue growth opportunities in education, self-development, and lifestyle.
